What I learned looking through the lens of depression

Through the lens of depression we see only crisis at hand, it is a nightmare that has gotten your soul in a  vice grip. Firmly devoted to holding you there in a place of misery and despair. It feels like drowning but there is no water around you.

It will take what it can get from you to form a leverage over you, it will wreak havoc and leave you utterly broken and uncertain. Depression forms much like a virus seeking to inhabit and destroy it´s host. If your emotional resilience has weakened we are victim to it´s prey.

It is the monkey on my back that weighs me down.

It is the voice telling me everything is over, I am an unwanted side effect of a universe flooded with people all more fit and well equipped for the daily struggle of living.

People with minds sharper and better than mine who do not bare this disease.

In my mind there’s a black cloud which refuses to let any rain go and my shoulders are heavy from carrying a monkey that screams you are not good enough.

When I try to make an effort to shake the monkey of my back it grips on tighter.

Sounds familiar?

Depression plagues more than 300 million people everyday, yet we spend a minuet time talking about the subject at hand. Talking that brings awareness that could potentially save lives both now and in the future.

What I learned from depression is to never ever give up. I Believe it to be the most useful advice I ever found in the midst of my worst moments.

If we give up we lose the fight but if we keep fighting we can never lose. Failure is only an option when giving up, when you keep trying you can never fail because you havent given up.

So that’s why I am saying to you to never ever give up.

Sure it might seem hard and even hellish at times, but the sooner you give up on the notion that life is supposed to be easy the quicker you get out of your own way.

You see life is not easy, life may be fun and we may have moments of intense clarity and profound bliss. But there is no such thing as en easy Life, we will all experience heartbreaks, we all known loss and we are all fighting a fight inside wich we are the sole provider for.

So the sooner we surrender to the notion that it is okay to be down and sad the better off we will be with depression. Depression doesnt like when we accept it, depression feeds of your suffering. If we let it be then it will have less Power over us.



Sounds really simple but it can be a big ordeal if you are severely depressed to just let it be there. The times when we can’t get out of bed it´s really hard to laugh at depression and call it silly. When we drown in the midst of chaos how can we possibly make it trough?

We need emotional resilience to conquer it and we  may need to conquer it again and again each day.

But if you where not born to fight for your life then why are you here? The day we stop fighting is the day we die. I made the choice a long time ago to never ever give up, to never surrender to the vice grip that is depression.

When times are though and I feel like quitting I tell myself you made a promise to never ever give up. To keep going when the going get though and to see the silver lining now matter how dark life feels at that moment.

I have tasted failure thousand times over, I been defeated, broken and down on my knees begging for absolution. But I have NEVER given up on Life. The promise I made to myself fuels my everyday and fuels my every action. I strive to be a better person, a better friend, a better boyfriend and a better man every single day.

There is only one way and that is forward, though we may stumble and fall. Feel broken and bruised, cry and scream there is always Beauty and love hiding behind every corner.

Through the lens of depression we become blind to its ever-present grace, but we must fight to keep that light going inside of us. That fire burns for something or someone and it is your purpose to keep fighting so that ligth dont dim.

So all fellow beautiful humans that read´s this do not ever give up. You are here for a worth while reason and depression is only temporary while life and love is everlasting.





The misguided notion of a blissful spiritual experience

I Believe that many of us that are viewed as spiritual people tend to have a certain mindset when it comes to spirituality.

But what is spirituality?

Spirituality is seeing beyond the body and the material realm into something far deeper and vaster an experience we call “the soul”

Is the soul a thing that really exist or just a fabric of your own minds vivid imagination?

My answer is does it really matter?

If you where to ask me do you believe in chakras I would say yes, then you would proceed asking me how I can believe in chakras since I cannot see nor touch them.

My answer would simply be because I can feel them.

Much like the wind, we can´t see or touch it but we can always feel it.

Same with my soul, I know it is there because I can feel it. I can feel there is something more to me than my own body and mind.

So it is up to you to decide what you are willing to Believe in. Science cannot prove everything at this Point nor will they ever be hence there will always be a spiritual void in the scientific Community. And guess what THAT IS TOTALLY FINE.  Not everybody needs to share them same view of what is right and wrong or true and false.

We experience expansion in this world accordingly to your own beliefs and others Point of view. If everybody had one mindset and we where all in agreeance  there would be no expansion of consciousness on any given level whatsoever.

However I also believe that the spiritual community got some things wrong, and I do believe people who are entering into it without full awareness of its potential pitfalls,dangers and mental roadblocks are fooling themselves.

A good example would be if one where to awaken their own kundalini energy without taking proper steps to become prepared, why would one really want to do that?

If you are on a quest for enlightenment I would understand but if you are a normal human being why would you mess with an energy force that powerful? Why would you take yoga classes based on awakening the kundalini? That is just ignorance.

If you awaken the kundalini energy life as you know it will begin to fall away, and it will fall away fast.

We have to get over the notion that there is a peaceful spiritual experience, in the beginning if we harbor a lot of bad stuff inside us its gonna come pouring out.

When that happens it’s not gonna be bliss, bunnies and rainbows it is gonna be hell and confusion. An all-consuming ego shattering experience that leaves you in worse shape than New Orleans after Katrina. It is gonna strip away everything that you thought you knew you were and nothing around is gonna be able to be perceived as before.

So if one is to go into a spiritual practice one must understand the consequences and practice emotional resilience against a world that is soon to be turned upside down.

There is no cure nor is there any escape once you started the spiritual awakening.

Things that used to be your biggest enjoyment in life may start to fade away, you might get a very hard time relating to friends and family. The isolation of an overwheliming spiritual experience may cause you a great deal of suffering. If it is a spontaneous experience brought on without any “spiritual support Group” then the isolation may feel even worse and sometimes all-consuming.

Intense feelings of rage, sadness, anxiety and despair may come up seemingly out of the blue. A hyper sensitivity to the immediate surroundings usually is a direct result of spiritual awakening. A hyper sensitivity to sounds, sights, smell and touch.

The bliss many are so desperately searching for in spirituality isn’t inherently within spirituality it will reveal itself only when we give up on the notion of chasing it.

It is very much like the Eye floater in the corner of your Eye, we can always be aware of it´s excistenes but we can’t see it since it Always escape´s your sight.

It is however this practice that allows people to see the contrast thus allowing for a more accepting mindset. Since happiness cannot be a constant we learn to let it go, the destination of bliss becomes obsolete if you will.

In the contrast we find the silver lining and when we find the silver lining we can see bliss in Everything, even the things we previously labeled as bad or evil.



There is a great neutrality that can come with proper development of spiritual practice. When we reach that level of neutrality we can let bliss come and go as it likes without trying to hold onto it tight, we accept the notion that everything is a passing phase. We celebrate life in it´s essence as a cycle of change. Much like winter turns to summer and summer to fall.

But if you aren´t ready for a full blown spiritual experience than don´t jump into the deep end of the pool. I know it is tempting and I strongly Believe that the spiritual Community does not do a very good job at informing people on the risks of engaging in spiritual practice.

They seem to have the idea that it is harmless and can only do good to dose who practice it, and of course there is some truth to that.

But if you are an individual with a lot of mental baggage it will need purging and during an intense cycle of spiritual awakening it will purge its way out of you. And that my friend is a painful experience.

One need´s to remain mentally strong to come out sane on the other side.

If you are inclined to seek out spiritual practices I highly recommend you find a good teacher, someone who personally have dealt with intense spiritual symptoms such as kundalini awakening.

If you are dealing with a person who tells you that you need to engage in more hours of meditation when your Life is falling apart DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM.
Your body and mind will most likely need time to adjust to this new way of being and feeling.

When thrown in at the deep ends of the stormy water that is spiritual awakening one will be wise to use and rely mostly on their own intuition. That is to say if not a proper teacher is at hand.


“What matters is the act of surrender.

The awakening process all boils down to this: surrender.

How, you may ask?

Like this: Lay yourself down on the floor and let go of everything.

Let go of the need to understand, the need to know how exactly to do it and what to say, how to be and so on.

Just “give up” (the struggle).

Literally just lay there and say “Take me, I’m yours. Do with me what you wish, I won’t resist or avoid anything anymore. I’m sincerely yours”.

Let go. Surrender. Just let go.

You don’t have to figure anything out, you don’t have to seek anymore, you don’t have to look for any answers or solutions anymore.

Just let go. Let everything go.

I’m telling you; this is the ultimate solution and answer that the awakening process leads to anyway, so you might as well save yourself years of suffering by surrendering to Truth right now and let it take over your life.

It all falls into place in the moment of surrender, that’s when freedom and peace comes and takes over your whole being.”
― Maria Erving







The inherent self destruction of overly empathetic people

There seem´s to be a notion that we are a culture very much lacking in empathy. We have those who care very little for others point of view and then we have those in rage and anger who protest the ones who are careless. Much like the disgust of empathy can be overbearing for some it can be a blessing for others. For example when we are in need of assistance we want that empathetic person to lend hand. Who do we call upon when things get tough if not the most empathetic person we know.

Because deep down we know that this person will not only understand your want´s and your need´s but also be there with us emotionally. We understand it intellectually even if we cannot emotionally grasp the concept of empathy. However where things get interesting is when you start to understand that empathy just like any trait can be learned and there is even something called selective empathy.

If you want a good example on selective empathy look at the different emotional reaction to terrorist attacks in the western world. There are people starving and dying EVERYDAY in Africa. I know talking about the starving children in Africa is the biggest cliché of them all but it is only to prove a point. We suffer for those who have been victims of terrorist attacks but we do not suffer knowing there are people in Africa dying everyday?

We suffer when someone close to us grows ill with disease, but that homeless man on the street we barely see. It is like some types of suffering has rendered us emphatically blind.

For those individuals who have a deep-seated sense of empathy from a very early age it is utterly hard to grasp the concept of selfishness. Selfishness to an empathetic person is like cancer. Selfishness dosen´t get any grow room because it feels unnatural. Something that is not productive in order to be a better person.

The problem arises when an empathetic person starts giving out to much of his or hers own energy and wellbeing to people whom do not give anything back in return.

A highly empathic person will then start to feel drained and after you drained that person for several weeks or months that person becomes anything less than empathetic.

A person like that can be your best friend or your worst enemy, but it is seldom the choice of him or her. It is the counterpart that act as the balance, be kind and we will love you back. Betray us and steal your precious energy we will resent and loath you for a lifetime.

You see even kind people have a limit to. What they will put up with depends mostly on time. I have seen this time and time again when someone who is good at heart gets pushed to  the breaking point and eventually you have created a monster.

it´s like that old saying ” Don´t take my kindness for weakness”

Empathic people really are wonderful and have some of what I believe to be the best quality´s a person can have. But the dark side of highly emotional people is that if we do not get your needs met we tend to push your own self destruct button.

If you know someone like this you have an idea of what I am talking about.

This the side when an empathetic person tries to shut themselves down in order to feel less, it is an inherent solution that feeling less equals wellbeing. Well in fact for the highly sensitive person it does the opposite thus creating a vortex of negativity instead.

This person will be much more likely to abuse drugs or alcohol as a way of self medicating or as an emotional escape. He or she will be in the mindset of not picking up the phone when you call nor answering any texts. At this stage intense depression anxiety and even rage is not uncommon.

So I guess the take home message of this post is don´t piss of empathic people right?

Not exactly.

Empathetic people need to learn how to deal with things without becoming an emotional mess, we need to set clear boundaries and not take on too much.

A highly sensitive person that has in mind to try to save the world might not be the best combination.

Selfishness in itself may be viewed as bad thing but for a highly sensitive and emotional person sometimes being selfish is your own best medicine.

Maybe you let someone else save the world for a change? And you take a day off from everything.

Learning how to say no and take steps towards increasing your personal boundaries are extremely important for empathic´s and may very well save your life.

You see we can never be selfish, we are so far on the other side of the spectrum. The side of giving and helping people, so by trying our very best to be selfish we tip the scale more towards the middle thus finding balance.

I really have no constructive tips for how one should handle life as an empathic person. All I can say is be your own person, do what feels right in your heart and stand up for your ideals and beliefs. Also remember to set clear boundaries, say no instead of always being a yes man and be proud of your gift!

Being a person who feels very deeply is truly a gift when you channel it correctly. A person like this can give the gift of empathy to the people, being in service in a profession wich he or she loves.

These people are often very great at what they do because the put a lot of pressure on themselves to be nothing less. Being supremely in tune with the emotions of others makes them great for professions in wich there is much intra personal reflection.

The task however should always remain on one self to be primary caretaker of just that ONE SELF. That is the only way an empathetic person can be in great service and keep a sense of balance within.

It is no easy task being a supremely empathetic person. But if you work at it little by Little everyday and get the right tools to cope when things are not going your way you will live a very fulfilled Life.


“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being a ‘hot mess’ or having ‘too many issues’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.”
― Anthon St. Maarten





How to be a real man in a modern society

If you have heard about toxic masculinity you might get any idea of what I am going to write about in this post.

I don’t think people understand how much men really struggle in the world of today, how much we can suffer and how out-of-place we really can feel.

How is a real man suppose to act?

How is a real man suppose to handle himself?

And how is a real man suppose to be all that he can be while still remaining strong and masculine?

I think it all goes back the notion that real men are strong and don´t show weakness.

We are born into this world and taught right away as a man we just need to “walk it off”

We are supposed to be the stoic and strong ones, the ones who never tire nor the one´s who never break down.

There is often a terrible void in a man´s heart because he cannot express himself the way he need´s too. He´s authentic self needs to be able to shine through for him to be and feel complete.

A man will most likely repress what he cannot properly express and turn to things like drugs, work addiction or alcohol to numb that part within him that is screaming for attention.

And when that does not work he might even contemplate suicide.

A man is constantly torn by his higher being and his lower animal being. He will be torn between lust and love. Knowing what is right in his heart but oftentimes becoming clouded by desire.

If he cracks under the pressure of life he will be deeply ashamed. Ashamed to the Point of questioning what is all about?

Being tormented by depression, anxiety and feelings of unworthiness is not uncommon for man, no matter how little this fact gets acknowledge by the public it is still true.

A real man needs a purpose that far exceeds his grasp, that is bigger than his very being. He needs the loving support from a spouse or a girlfriend.

In times of trouble and despair he need´s his friends and family to just be there and maybe lend a helping hand.

A real man cannot fix nor solve everything himself. He likes to think he´s got the world on his shoulders and every problem he encounters is his and his alone to fix.

A real man seldom asks for help even when he need´s it the most. He tries to be stoic and strong into his very last breath.

If someone accuses him off being insensitive he will respond with anger and hostility. The most common way for us men to express ourself when someone hurts your feelings.

That man my friends is somebody´s spouse, somebody´s father or somebodys son.

That man suffers in silence because he is raised with an ideal of what a real man should embody. pexels-photo-356147.jpeg

He portrays what he is conditioned to be since a very early age and if the cycle is not broken he will continue to lead a life of misery his entire existence.

He had every opportunity in the world to be what his heart so desired, but masculinity got the best of him.

So what is the solution?

We need to talk about this, we cannot close your eyes on this any longer. Men suffer in silence and we need to fix it.

We need to fix it because women deserve better more wholesome men. And men well we men deserve to feel complete and happy within yourselves.

Adressing things like depression and anxiety is crucial because that is one thing we as men are most ashamed over. We are hardwired to be strong and just “get over it” thus we do not have the necessary tools to cope with mental illness as it arises.

We need to acknowledge the fact that it is okay to be sad, to feel hopeless and to be depressed. And it is even more okay to seek help for it once we encounter such feelings!

I want the real man in the modern society to be a man who lives more from his heart and less from his head. A man who is kinder, more loving and more compassionate.

Someone who sees others as equals and not competitors, someone who  does not shy away from talking about his problems. Someone who copes with life´s up´s and downs with humbleness and openness instead of venting out in rage.

So if you as a man read this post. Contemplate what it means to be a real man and what you can do to strip away all the social conditioning bullshit you been fed.

And strive to lift the veil of suffering a little everyday and envision the light at the end of the tunnel. Because it is truly there for your eyes to be seen.

Good luck!



The magic of entheogens and how it may save the decline of western civilization

Have you ever been out Walking late at night only to discover you are looking into people’s home´s catching a glimpse of their reality?

Maybe you see them making dinner, watching tv or simply petting their cat.

Maybe you see them arguing or fighting wondering what they are in fact so upset over?

When I was younger I used to do this all the time (might sound disturbing going around looking into people’s houses) and it Always fascinated me.

It fascinated me how we can get that glimpse into a total strangers reality, in a sense it is much like going to the Movies.

We go to the movies to watch a movie about someone elses Life, often times it’s the life of the hero or the underdog who becomes the hero in the end.

By the end of the movie I think most of us can agree that we wanted to be Arnold Schwarzenegger or Colin Farrell.

We get so sucked into their reality and we like it so we wish to be a part of it, it offers us a different perspective.

So what does entheogens have to do with Hollywood movie stars you might ask ?

Nothing really but it has to do a lot with different perspectives.

You see entheogens also known as plant teatcher´s is one of the most controversial topics out there today. Some people Believe they are miracles cure while others are convinced that by consuming them you either become mad or are about to join a cult.

But what lies in the middle of all the stigma surrounding psychedelics?

A different perspective.

That is in a large amount what entheogens have to offer the human race. If we have a problem with empathy or an underlying anger issue for example, then maybe the cure is not to hinder impulses but to form a different perspective on the issue?

It has been stated again and again that psychedelics can rapidly alter your brain chemistry making for a different perspective  to be the norm.

Or at least alter the brain circuiting for a prolonged time I Believe in up to a year or a maybe even a year and a half.

So what if we have a problem and instead of being the person with the problem, we disconnect from yourself for a moment causing us to view the issue from another place or perspective if you will.

Much like we are the stranger looking into someone else house and observing their reality. We can become the stranger of your own mind to see what really affects us and take constructive action on those issues.

Not unlike meditation we become the observer rather than the person reacting to the circumstances.

With psychedelics this observer mode seems to be rather instant, or as quick as the drug starts taking effect. Even smaller doses seems to predict a rather large change in expression of personal power and self belief. All brought on by mystical experiences that defy logical linear thinking thus allowing for the out of the box introspective awareness of ones perpetual habits and thinking patterns.

Maybe it is the ego defying effect that takes Place under the sometimes crushing weight of psychedelics that make us question yourself  and your puny problems in a much bigger and vaster universe?

Your answers might always be their right in front of us during daily life but we have become somewhat blind to them. But when introducing entheogens into your body we tend to get out of your own way.

Just imagine what we could accomplish through the proper usage of psychedelics if we could open up the doors of perception and find empathy for others like we have for yourself.

We could be creative problem solvers in service for a better world rather than being apart of it´s demice

If we woulden´t have to dig deep to find that compassion and understanding for others woulden´t the World truly be a better place?

It is very hard to argue that people who have encountered mystical life altering experiences whether it be via entheogens, near Death experience or just general crisis do not come out different on the other side.

These people seem to have a more profound sense of peace, wellbeing and understanding towards both themselves and others. Regardless of other people who may be of a different race, culture or  belief. The construct of the fiber in society and the world remains the same, thus we both see and understand the unique differences of each individual.

So it is not the world that changes in response to your use of entheogens it is the perspective we gain while under the influence that can make long-lasting positive change possible. In essence´s the substances lay´s all the groundwork for us.

“The plain fact is that the planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as we have defined it.”

Coulden´t have said it better than David Orr!


So can entheogens be our futures solution for not only survival as a species but to your wellbeing  and expansion as human individuals?

I personally am hopeful about your evolution and very much excited to see what the next years of research on psychedelics will bring about.

If the research will be allowed to take place then all we have to do is wait and see.



disclaimer: This post is no way intended to encourage the recreational use of illegal psychedelics or other substances. One should always have great concernment and respect for all mind altering substances.







The first entry, what really matters.

If you are anything like me you like to spend your hours ruminating long and hard on the topic of what really matters. And if you are anything like me you are likely to come up pretty blank on that question.

I Believe it is in the nature of the soul to both question and challenge your current reality to make Changes based on internal guidance.

We always need to adapt and to expand, to be having the intense feeling of one step forward two steps back. However maybe the two steps back are really an illusion, maybe there are only steps that takes us forward. If one would argue whether there is any Point in me writing this blog then by all means I might be taking a step back, wasting time on something that nobody will find interesting nor invest their time in.

It is funny how it works really. How do we really know what matters and how can we measure if we made progress forward or if we are simply stalling. I Think one could argue that somethings that make us hit rock bottom would be taking two steps back. But if that rock bottom starts a process or chain reaction ( if you will) of a solid strategy to get back on ones feet and make daily life better wouldnt those two steps back really been forward all along?

I Think I found out what really matters today, I Think what matters the most is that we don’t get caught up in the trap of living. The trap of living in the matrix where we do everything for everyone but yourselves. I find it really easy to fool myself that I am making decisions and taking on projects or hobbies that really are for me and solely in my best interest but are they really?

I mean most of us live to please others, isnt that so very wrong? I see no fault in helping out my fellow-man but when confronted with the decision do I live for myself or entirely in the grace and service of another?

Just look at how the world look for Christ sake. Most of us do Everything we can to survive but not to thrive.

The small percentage of people thriving is miniscule compared to the masses who live in fear of unemployment and poverty. These people also live in fear of what their peers, friends and family will think about them.

The ones who don’t give a shit about conforming to a society norm are cast out as nomads or outsiders. They are not accepted by the herd nor are their opinions of any value since it does create an “out of the box” approach to thinking. Out of the box thinking tends to make people uncomfortable because it brings out the pink elephant in the room, the things people rather not talk about. Things like how are we really doing as a species? What are we really doing to yourselves and unto others? Am I living as a free being or am I simply trapped in my own illusion of distorted bliss?

If anyone fucks with my bliss I will crack open like a watermelon hitting the sidewalk. All will spill out and my wounds will be open and raw for everyone to see and to judge.

This is by no means fun but in essences that is life, life is letting people down, letting people see your faults and seeing the other side of bliss. The other side that is somewhat of the ugly truth, the truth that everyone desperately wants to blindfold themselves against.

Isnt that what people with depression do, they put on the biggest smile and say “I love the world and everything is great!”

But in truth there are only words of distorted comfort, feeding into the illusion that if not all is well within your universe we will not be accepted nor loved. If we are sick with grief, despair and hopelessness no one will come to your aid.

If we are lying bleeding on the sidewalk because we got hit by a truck then we are rushed to the hospital. But if we are feeling like we are dying inside Little by little day by day nobody is paying attention.

Funny how it works isen´t it?

I mean what is even the Point of living if one cannot excercise free will, self-love and self expansion?

We can push, pull, cry or scream but the fact is reality is really hard to face if you are not living it for yourself.

I have made it more and more my mission to be true to myself, to not end up in the trap of doing things for someone else.

Life is really like an artwork, if we do not live through it yourselves someone else comes along and projects their dreams and desires on us. Thus making us Believe we have created the perfect Life for yourself only to Discovery we are living someone else reality. We feel like the people we meet are strangers, the activitys we engage in are fake and we feel like your life is us taking the back seat in the movie theaters.

That is not the way we should live life we should each find the power within us to change things for the better. To dare to be outside the box and dare too challenges people’s belief of what normal should look like.

If everyone started to think more about themselves and less about feeding this machine we call society wouldn’t things change for the better?

So I want you to think about that today, what really matters to you? And are you truly living life on your terms?